We had quite a pleasant little diversion while there in the shape of a little pugilistic encounter . A brakeman having made a simple little statement about how many cars he could couple in a minute.
I think he put it at the modest figure of thirty or forty, and a fireman present be of a doubtful turn of mind, intimated that this was a fulminating enlargement of elongated veracity.; whereupon the brakeman endeavored to prove his proposition by intruding the scintillating apex of a knife between the short ribs of this doubting Thomas. The hirsute disciple of the conflagration of the bituminous product of the carboniferous epoch mildly remarked that this was a gross breach of railway etiquette—which was, of course, a very pointed raillery – and proceeded to demolish the headlight of that brakeman in a peculiarly efficient and thorough manner. The net result of this friendly little debate, when the brakeman’s friends gathered him together, was as follows: Half of one coat; part of one cap; nearly two ears; One eye: One eighth of one nose; one under lip; one set of teeth less the four upper incisors; one arm, and the balance of one man to carry the above parts. The fireman was a “broad gauge” with all the modern improvements.
The chief literary facilities of Alta are seventeen old Police Gazettes, one Dick Turpin, one Claude Duval, one directory of the city of Milan, Italy, edition of 1858, and one analytical Research into the Holcitat of the Modern Ichthyosaurus, the fly leaf bearing the following inscription: “Presented to car No. 177, by the Evangelical Sisters of Jericho of Boston, with the legend “Iloni soit qui mali pense” written underneath.. The directory of Milan was a masterly production, teeming with characters –I don’t think I ever read a work with more—and the whole scope and plan of the book so entirely original. The chapters were divided into twenty-six and indicated by the different letters of the alphabet., instead of the horrible numbers we all get so tired of in ordinary works. The plot was very thrilling and some of the combinations perfectly startling; but I haven’t time to give you even a resume of it. One thing particularly struck me as a good thing to be followed by modern authors was the beautiful way in which all the characters were introduced and then dropped before they had time to bore one to death. The last chapter—chapter Z—contained the doings of one noble couple, Zicato and Zucatori described as “21 and 28 via del Arriba’ that beautiful and poetical age when youth and beauty live in rosette loveliness. Vale, vale Alta , vale! But come to think of it, it isn’t a valley but a summit so my exclamation is hardly valid, but it is down the vale I mean, so let her R.I.P. (requiscat in pace).Pardon me my Christian and Ingerssolian readers for giving Alta so much space—but it is a lofty subject and heightens one’s imagination.
