I have to agree that there are really two questions here. We all do things differently, but here is my two bits worth. On the Sumpter Valley Railroad (at least this is what we teach our new engineers)when we are drifting down hill on the rod engine we normally put the johnson bar all the way forward or up one or two notches. With the bar in the hole we ALWAYS work some steam to make sure there is lubrication in the valves and cylinders. To verify this we open the cylinder cocks and watch for a puff of steam as we open the throtle, stopping when steam appears. Ours is about 1 to 1.5% down grade so with working some steam we need to use a light (5 to 6 pounds of air reduction) of the brakes to keep the train from going tooooo fast down hill.
On the Heisler we watch the "drifting" valves and make sure they are closed, if they flutter then we apply more steam again to keep everything lubricated and from drawing smoke into the valves and cylinders.
When coming to a stop at the upper end (going up hill) I normally use a light brake application to keep the train from gathering slack. Then I stop by cutting the throtle and letting gravity do its job. Again the bar is in the hole.
When stopping on the lower end (going down hill) I set about 6 to 8 lbs of air and cut the throtle working just enought steam to make the train stop in the right place. Well, it is never the right place for our Conductors as they always want it a little ahead or a little back.
I have to agree that the "touch or feel" is what allows it to all work together so we don't dump the passengers too often.
I know this is one method that works and I am sure there are others that work just as good.