Press Release:
"The D&RGW Narrow Gauge, always the pioneer in the latest railroad technology, tests it's new Distributed Power Computerized Helper Locomotive Control System (aka DPHLCS) in the Durango Yard."
"Until someone invents the integrated circuit chip, boxcar 3468 is filled with 19 main-frame computers utilizing 1648 vacuum tubes. It is powered by a device called the "Flux Capacitor" which generates 1.21 jigawatts of electricity to power the computers. The Flux Capacitor was invented in 1955 by Dr. Emmett Brown of Hill Valley, California for use in a yet-uninvented time travel machine. The crews are somewhat leery of a boxcar emitting a very loud hum and at night there is an odd glow coming through the walls. However, they do like the fact that you can stand next to 3468 and get warm. It is expected 3468 can do double duty thawing frozen switches in the winter months. Previous attempts to power the computers with tailings from the Atomic Energy Commission"s smelter across the Animas River from the Durango Roundhouse were nixed by the Unions requiring all crew members to wear radiation suits. This was thought to be too expensive for the benefits achieved.
"478's reciever of 7 main frame computers utilizing 975 vacuum tubes is mounted in a water tight compartment in the tender. The recieving microwave dish is mounted in the doghouse. Studies are continuing as to how far 478 can run on the remaining 439 gallons of water in the tender.
"#50's reciever uses NEW transistor technology. It's MUCH smaller reciever unit mounts in the cab on the right side, forcing the engineer to sit on the unconventional left side of the cab. The D&RGW management has thoughtfully equipped #50 with rear-view mirrors salvaged from a wrecked Rio Grande Motorways truck for his enjoyment.
"When asked, the crew members gave these remarks:
Switchman Mel Schaff (in cowboy hat): "I couldn't care less..."
Engineer Steve Connor (in #50): "F%^#ing BullS$%t. I wish they would bring back a %$#& real engine to switch cars"
Engineer Robert Shock (in 478): "We ran out of F$#&ing water at the top of 36'th Street hill yesterday..."
"In it's continuing efforts to economize the operations of money-losing narrow gauge lines, the D&RGW is in the process of developing additional break-through technologies such as cabooseless trains using a big box mounted on the rear car (Conductor Al Lyons commented: "Where the hell am I gonna sit and play cards while we're moving?"), fireman-less steam locomotives using the forementioned Flux Capacitor to fuel the locomotives and remote control locomotives utilizing a large box mounted on a baggage cart pushed around by the engineer. (Engineer Connors' comment was not printable)"
