NNG & NG welcome on this one

As 2014 draws to a close , I thought I would put up a thread to allow us to show our creative , but burried sides.

Since many on this forum work or have worked in Passenger rail , I am sure there are times when what you said and what you wanted to say are two very different things. Here is your chance to get it all out of your systems; so let fly , vent , make your creativly sarcastic sides go on a bender. Happy New Year!

#1 ( as a conductor to a drama queen caught with alcohol onboard ) Let me give you some free advice pal. You knew damn well you weren't allowed to bring that onboard and you did anyway , so dont get all in my face about how embarassed you are about what happened to you when we arrived back in the station. You broke the rule and you had to face the reprocussions of your actions so the only person you have to blame for anything is yourself you , stupid , rednecked, ignorant , " rules don't apply to me " rural Nevadan!"

#2 ( to foamers or GERFs to the east coast crowd ) " No it isn't the greatest job in the world. The greatest job in the world is a US Congressman. They work about 120 days out of 365 , get a 6 figure income and even if they royally suck at their job and lost it in one term , they still keep all their benifits for life and get a pension.

#3 ( to less than observant passengers)
CONDUCTOR: " And to the west side of the train....."
PASSENGER: " Which side is West?!"
CONDUCTOR: " The same side that I am pointing toward , Moron!"

#4 ( to parents that let kids run everything) " While I'm sure you are thrilled at your child learning to do things all by themselves, I really dont think the 225 people behind you waiting to get off are all that happy with their learning curve on thee 3 grown up sized steps. So pick them up and carry them off my train and I don't give a rats ass if they start screaming like a Banshee"

#5 PASSENGER: " when is the train leaving?"
ME: " 11:30 , Sir. "
PASSENGER: " when is that? "
ME: " When the big hand is on the 6 and the little hand is on the 11"

#6 " sure , I'll be happy to make all these people who were here on time and ready to go wait so you can get your last minute group from the parking lot , to the ticket office , to the bathrooms with a pause for a group photo in front of the train at 30 seconds to departure !"